Me as a Student...

Usually summer means, hanging out in the evenings, drinking cold beer, music, and road trips.  So far, this summer has not really included any of these things.

One night a few weeks ago, some friends did join me for Party on the Patio at Pepper's.  Party on the Patio is usually a weekly event for me and my co-workers/friends.  We usually stop working about 4:30pm on Wednesday afternoons and then go enjoy some cold beer or margaritas on the rocks at our local establishment's patio.  The DJ starts about 5pm and by 8:30pm the party is hopping.  It started the week of labor day or the week before that.  I think my friends went the first week, but I was busy.  The second week I went and was joined by 3 friends.  I swore to only stay till about 7:30 but it was 10ish before we were leaving.  We weren't ready for home, so we stopped by and another friend's backyard.  Well, long story short, we stayed out way too late and had way to much fun.  Since then, I nor my friend's have embarked on another Party on the Patio - maybe that will be the plan for this week.

As I think about this I am also thinking about how well deserved that fun is.  I have been much to busy and productive to have been indulging in music, dancing, or road trips,  My summer this far entailed a bunch of reading, thinking and analyzing.  Yes, if you haven't guessed it, I am in summer school. I originally thought - ok, I will take two classes, keep up my rhythm and it shouldn't be so bad.  I really kinda got mad that they were only offering one class that I needed over the summer semester.  I went in to talk to an adviser and I am so grateful that I did.  She was amazing!  She mapped out all of my classes through the Spring of 2017.  Then she handed me an application for graduation!  Can you believe it?!?!?  (I was literally beside myself - it was everything I could do to hold back my tears sitting in her office as I asked questions in disbelief).  Are you sure I need this now?  I won't be done for a long time now (thinking like next December - especially since I can only take one class this summer).  When the adviser informed me that I could graduate in December of 2016 with a Certificate of Employ-ability in HELPING RELATIONSHIPS I was dumbfounded.  The adviser went on to say that in the Spring of 2017 I could graduate with my Associate Degree in HUMAN SERVICES.  Upon hearing this I was like, "are you sure?"  She showed me the plan and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.  They just came streaming down my face.  All of the frustration and self-doubt I had held on to; all of the laziness that prevented me from going back; all of the worries that my ADD would make school too hard - they all just dissolved into utter pride and confidence.

 I remember filling out my application to go back to school a year ago in August.  I remember having to write descriptions on the application about why I wanted to re-enroll and about why I had dropped out and what challenges faced me in the upcoming semester.  I took those explanations very seriously and did a lot of honest soul searching while filling them out.  I told my stories of easy learning coming from high school about how I didn't have to study and about how I just retained things.  I wrote paragraphs on the struggle to be a 19 yr old single mother that couldn't return to school one semester due to complications from the birth of her son.  That paragraph then talked about the struggles when I did go back and how being a single mom, working a full time and job and going to school were overwhelming and led to illness and resulted in me having to withdrawal from my classes and dropping out.  I got to describe in depth my worry about my struggle with ADD and how it is over diagnosed, but yet it is a very real struggle in my daily life.  I got to emphasize my victory over meth and also about the ill effect is left on my mind and mental soundness.  All of these things then led up to the part where I got to express that I was ready.  I was ready to go back, ready for the challenge, and about the need to go back.  It is now a necessity.  To be where I want to be in life (and I am still not sure where that is), it is a need.  I got to express that I am smart, that I am persistent, and that I am a thinker.  I am a survivor and determined.  I got to write about all of the reasons I will succeed and about those that love me and that will push me to succeed even when I am struggling or procrastinating.

So, here I am, sitting on my bed with my laptop in front of me, tears streaming down my face.  I have just finished chapter five in an e-book called "Living With Art".  I am so grateful to so many for my accomplishments.  I am grateful to my boss that said "Jess, I want you to move up, I want you to grow, but you are as far as you can go without your degree".  I am grateful to her for allowing me to rearrange my work schedule so that I can go to school and still work full-time.  I am grateful to my friend who enrolled in classes beside me and when I found reasons not to go, she made me.  She was a great accountability to me these last two semesters.  I am grateful to my wife, who bought me my laptop when I started so that I can work well into the night on my assignments and fall asleep reading in my bed and not at some random desk.  I am also grateful to her and to Brennen for understanding when I have to take time from "our time" to complete assignments or do tests.  I am grateful that they are content with sitting beside me and watching tv or doing their own thing while I study.  I am also so thankful that Amber lets me tell her about my assignments in way too much detail and then listens as I read her my papers umpteen times before I turn them in.  I am thankful to my mom and Scotty that understand when I can't come hang out because I have homework or who understand when I can only play 6 games of marbles on Father's Day (instead of 12 - ha ha) so I have time to fit everything in.  I am also grateful for my friends that don't get mad when I turn down their invitations or who understand if they invite me over and I pull out my laptop.  I am very thankful for them that give me a place to study besides my bedroom.  I am so overjoyed when I come across people in my everyday life that instead of saying "oh, just an associates" or "barely and associates" they respond with "that's awesome"!  I will never forget the first time that happened.

We were in the car headed to Ruidoso.  Shane, Krinna, and I were headed to a concert.  We were telling stories and getting to know one another.  We started talking about me going to school.  I said something to the effect of it "only being an associate's degree" and Shane called me out.  He stopped me mid-sentence and reminded me that ANY accomplishment is awesome and worthy of enthusiasm.  He got on to me for down playing what I was doing. In that very brief moment he made me realize, that any goal I set for myself and and any step I take towards that goal is awesome and worthy of pride.  It is those small things that have made me the student I am now.  The things that Amber does when I am worried about a test, or a project, or a grade.  She reminds me, "you know you are smart" "you know you do well", "you know you have worked hard", "you got this".

Lastly, I am grateful for the confidence and the knowledge that I have when I tell my (almost) 17 year old Senior in High School, "You need to go to college".  When he asks why I can tell him with expertise all of the reasons.  It is all of the reasons that I knew before I went back, but it is also all of the reasons I now KNOW and UNDERSTAND.

So, tomorrow I will begin Chapter 6 in my Art Appreciation book and will trudge through this 16 week semester crammed into an 8 week summer course.  I will explore my avenues for my upcoming practicum (working 20 hrs a week for experience instead of pay) in the Fall this week.  I will also do new and creative things at work and will find time for my spouse, son, friends,and family.  These things I know, because this is where I am.

How is Married Life?

As I opened my page to write this very overdue post, I was again reminded about how long it had been since I had done a post.  Yes, I know it was June 29th of 2015. I have been reminded of this fact all too often by my sister (who blogs faithfully), my mother (who keeps up with my life in person mostly), and Scotty (who knows more about what is going on than I do sometimes).  Ha Ha.  This in itself makes me smile.  Knowing that my family loves me and misses reading about my life and all of the things in it that I just feel like ranting about.  I think that means I am loved.  *Now I am blushing - as I smile at my mom sitting across the table from me.  She is so close and knows nothing about what I am thinking, because when she asks "What?" I just nod my head.  It's like a mini little secret.  Anyway, I sigh as I remember how blessed I am.  I am sitting here watching my family watch tv.  I am not a tv person, so I decided to continue writing this post.

Since I have last blogged so many things have happened to me, with me, and around me.  As I think about the year that has happened since you were blessed (ha ha) with my ranting, I can't help but smile.  

The biggest thing that has happened is that I almost became Mrs. Jessica Dianne Davenport.  Even though that is not the biggest part of the story, it is definitely part of the story.  So, Friday, March 25, 2016 Amber and I married.  We were so blessed to have so many friends and family join us (in person and through technology).  We never imagined how blessed we are.  We didn't want to have a big flashy ceremony.  We didn't want our day to be about making a statement other than our love for each other.  And that's exactly what happened.  We got to see our families blend together in a way, we had never imagined.  We were showered with love and blessings all day.  It was amazing.  We really joked about, "what's the big deal, we have been together so long anyway" and "it's not going to feel any different".  I never dreamed the difference I feel.  Getting married did not change my love for Amber, but it did change how I feel.  It is weird to explain, but it was a big deal.  It is different to be someone's wife.  Which brings me to the question that I get asked most often right now, "How is Married Life".  

I have to say, day to day, it is not a lot different than it had been.  But some days there are little differences.  Like a few days ago, w e had to fill out new W4 forms to say we were married.  Another  little difference was when I got a company email and it stated that Amber Stewart is now Amber Dunn.  When Amber went to get some tests done at the hospital, we put me down as her spouse.  That now means that we don't have to worry about having access to each other if there is an emergency.  It means that if Brennen is hurt or in the hospital, Amber has rights to stay with him and go back with him, etc.  These are thing that don't come up everyday, but they are things that have changed since we have been married.

So, I guess all in all married life is the same.  We have been together so long so nothing has really changed on the day to day.  But here are some of our pictures to share with you.

This is a picture of our "Parent's Dinner".  We had it the night before the wedding so that our parents and grandmothers could meet and mingle.  We had a great time getting to see everyone get along.  We were sad that Madear (Amber's grandmother) could not make it.  She wasn't feeling well, but did make it to the wedding.

Here is a picture of our guests just before the ceremony started.  

We wanted to thank Karen, Beth, Pheonna very much for helping us get all of our word decorations on the walls.  They look awesome in some of the pictures.

Here is a picture of our archway.  I was pretty proud of how it came out.  Although it was way taller then I had anticipated

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I love this picture.  It is us with out mothers and grandmothers.

This picture says it all.

Here is a Gladys (Amber's mom) just loving on us.  She was a very large part of our ceremony.  She went early and helped us decorate.  She even helped fix my dress.  She was such a blessing during this process.  

Here is a picture of our cake.  You can't really tell but that is a butterfly on the top of it.  These two animals really represent Amber and I.  She is a cat and I am a butterfly.  The characteristics of each describe us perfectly.  

I love this picture of Amber.  Her cousin took of her looking in the mirror just before the ceremony.

We got to enjoy some of Amber's cousins during the reception.  They are so funny - all of the time!

We were so grateful that Shawn and William entertained our guests while the photographer had us outside taking pictures.  

 Joey, Karen, Kerri, and Brad did awesome at keeping all of the boys entertained, all day long.  They were also a big help when it came to helping clean up and tearing everything down. All of the boys had a great time.  

  Everyone chipped in and it made things happen a lot quicker.  We are so grateful to have such wonderful families.  

So, that is just a few of the pictures we have from the wedding.  We will send out some electronically, so that everyone who wants some can have them.  Please let me know, if you would like some.