To Be - Or - Not To Be.....Or Maybe Just Ramblings

"To Be or Not To Be" that is the question.  I am faced with some real self reflection this week.  I don't always like to self reflect.  I really try hard not to do it unless it is for a very positive reason.  This feels like a positive reason, but it has not completed the solid formation in which I will finally decide if it is positive or not.  

Because of my history and the problems that have been presented in that past, I try to make big decisions cautiously.  I hate making decisions.  If I ever have to weigh out something and decide something, it is the hardest thing.  If I make split decisions, I usually wind up in a world of trouble.  So, do I weigh it out and then decide; do I make a decision based purely on emotions; do I make a decision on what other's perceptions of my abilities are; or based on the limitations I put on myself.  

A very wise person said one time - if you are always striving for the next best thing you will not be happy with the now.  Don't ask me who said it - (remember?  This is a rambling post).  

Another very wise person (I am pretty sure) said to always reach for the stars and embrace opportunities laid before you.

Several of the wisest people I know would say, "Just pray about it".  My problem with that is that my guilt for not praying daily kills any sense of understanding God would give me.  I absolutely hate to pray only when "I need something"  that seems so insensitive and selfish.  So, since I don't pray alot for daily thanks or praise, or the small stuff, or to better my relationship with God, I try not to pray when these other things come up either.  I don't know, I am sure my thinking on all of this is probably pretty wrong and if my Mamaw or my Sister ever wanted to knock me upside my head, I would let them.  Don't get me wrong, I do pray for other people, I pray for other people a lot.  I do give thanks and I do praise God in prayer - but I don't let him lead my small decisions so why would I be so selfish to lay my burdens on him as well?  Does that make sense?  

Anyway, so I have a decision to make (in case you didn't get that).  It is pretty big.  The outcome may not change alot presently, but in the scheme of things maybe.  

Can I do it?  Probably.  Would it be a new challenge? Yes.  Would I have to learn how?  Yes.  Am I happy where I am? Yes.  Am I still learning this task presently at hand?  Yes.  What are the risks of staying?  What are the risks of going?  

Let's take a look at how I process decisions.  Everything about a VIRGO says: 
Virgos are said to be the most analytical and organized members of the zodiac. Their perfection-oriented worldview makes them extremely efficient and diligent workers. However, Virgo's unwavering attention to detail also paves the way for a multitude of character deficiencies, including a hypercritical nature. However, you can always trust the sturdy Virgo to get the job done, and done correctly.

Virgos are also independent. They know how to get things done for themselves, but they may also have a tendency to be too introspective and might find it difficult to motivate themselves. A Virgo often needs someone who will encourage him not be so critical of himself and to motivate him to achieve.

Some people might think that Virgos are indecisive or slow to make a decision. In fact, the Virgo is just taking his time to weigh all the facts before he decides what he is going to do. Virgos are very good at problem-solving because they like to separate all the elements of an issue, think about each one individually, and then slowly put them back together again to determine what they all mean. The rational thinking of a Virgo often frustrates other people.

Although Virgos are intelligent but at the same time they remain confused about the decision making chores of daily life. 

As I told my friend that I was writing (well, more like rambling) a blog about making a decision and some of the stuff I was writing, they mentioned that they do the same thing.  They use writing as a way of therapy - or a way of just sorting it all out and processing it.  I feel like this is what this post is about.  

But please don't get me wrong I am totally up to your feedback.  Should I Be or Not Be?  I know it would probably help if you knew the details of the question but because this is a public blog, I can not at this time.  I will eventually, but not for now.  

So, I guess in conclusion - thanks for letting me ramble.  What do you think I SHOULD DO?  

Just to Catch Up

I got to thinking about it and it has been over (not much) 2 weeks since I last blogged.  I can't really keep expecting people to follow me if I don't blog right?

Well, truth be told - it has been a little busy and a lot boring in my corner of the universe.  I have been working kinda weird hours lately.  Like, take today for example.  I didn't come in until 1pm but worked until just a few minutes ago (10:15pm).  I like that my job allows me to do that.  I told my boss a week or two ago, "I work best from 7pm - 11pm".  Then I suggested moving my hours from 1pm - 10pm.  She said - "ok.  Whatever you want to do".  I have a lot of meetings so that is not entirely possible. - but I do like that we are that kind of company that allows flexibility.  I am very blessed to work where I do.  It has been a good experience thus far.  (I am now knocking on wood!)
So, two weeks ago, I got a new office.  It is tons bigger and my desk is AWESOME.  Let's take a look:

Here is a look into my office from the hallway

 It looks pretty put together because the wall by my window has my bulletin board and my "To Do" board on it.  But when you come into the office and see the wall you can't see, there is just a chair on it and two filing cabinets - boring.  So, I am hoping when Jaxen comes to visit - he can help decorate.

Here is my really AWESOME desk.

One thing I love about this desk is it's cubby holes.  Before, everything in those cubby holes was just in piles on my desk.  It made keeping organized a little difficult.  But now, I have a cubby for all of my piles.
The other thing I love about this desk is that it has 3 sides of work space.  It really allows me to spread out when I am researching stuff.  Before, I just had to flip and flip and hold a paper in each finger, like an octopus.  Now, I can lay them side by side and compare and mark and sort.  It is very good.
As you can see in the picture (well, maybe if you make it a little bigger) a there is a place for all the things I need to get me through my work week.
1. a candy jar
2. picture of my son and his corny smile
3. a picture of my 2nd favorite boy in the world
4. a love note
5. and my Dallas cup filled with Sweet Tea

Here is me at work on last Thursday.

Just in case you are wondering - No I do not just take pictures of myself all day.  I just happened to like that necklace and shirt and took one last week.  But I thought that since my sister is always posting selfies with Jaxen, I would post one too.  Too bad Brennen will not take any with me - EVER!  It's a teenage thing!

On another note, since the last time I wrote, we celebrated Zeta and William's Birthdays.  Here is a few pictures:

Here is William sporting a Birthday Crown.  

  Here is Zeta with her Birthday Hat.

  And then here is me and Zeta.  I can't believe she is 10 already!

Other than that, it has been kinda quiet.  I enjoyed spending the afternoon with my Mom and Scotty on Saturday.  On Sunday, we did some family errands after a family breakfast.  I had a good time around town with Brennen, Amber, Mama (Gladys), and Ronald.  I fought a headache for most of the day but the time I got to spend with my family was precious to me.  

After that, on Monday I had an excruciating migraine.  That lasted until Tuesday.  I continue to fight being sick - but seem to be keeping it at bay pretty good this week.  

I can't wait until next week when my Sister and Family will be coming!  I am super excited.  Hope everyone has a great rest of the week - It is almost over.